After 8 years of marriage, my wife and I are currently in a bit of a refresher stage in which we are trying to reopen lines of communication that, as is too often the tendency, grew somewhat dormant in the ups and downs of daily life. As I'm writing this, the movie "Date Night" is on the tv in the background and appears to be a very accurate comedic interpretation of how this breakdown in communication can happen as honest and open lines of expression become blurred in the daily grind of life.
I'm learning a lot in this season of our marriage. One of the most important realizations I've had is how I could have been doing a much better job of listening to my wife for our first 8 years of marriage. I so badly wanted her to be impressed with me and maintain a desire to stay with me that I would do everything possible to provide for her needs as I perceived them, without ever really listening to what she perceived her needs to be. Now that I'm doing a better job of truly listening to her, I'm realizing that my job as a husband is actually a lot easier than I always made it. Rather than throwing out lots of unfocused efforts in an attempt to cover all bases, through listening I can be much more strategic in the ways in which I show her my love by focusing on the areas in which she feels the most value. Why spend time and money buying her flowers when she sees much more value in me making her a nice dinner? By listening to her, I can ensure that I am continually meeting her needs and laying the groundwork for a long and stable relationship.
Companies that spend lots of money on advertising that interrupts people's activities without ever really listening to their customer base are much like I was early on in my marriage. It's easy for customers to feel frustrated, like they don't matter, and like they're in an unhealthy relationship with a major power imbalance when there are not clear ways in which they are being heard and responded to. In a competetive marketplace in which there are ever-increasing ways for customers to make their voices heard, companies have an incredible opportunity to take advantage of these platforms and listen to what their target audience is saying. The benefit to the company is that listening allows them to be more strategic in their efforts, which ultimately results in conservation of resources and higher return on investment. An added benefit is that this model of listening and responding lays the groundwork for a long and healthy relationship, resulting in greater profit margins over the years.
We all have a message we're trying to communicate. But we have to listen first. Otherwise we're just spinning our wheels.
