Marketing Lessons I've Learned from Marriage: Listen to Me!

After 8 years of marriage, my wife and I are currently in a bit of a refresher stage in which we are trying to reopen lines of communication that, as is too often the tendency, grew somewhat dormant in the ups and downs of daily life.  As I'm writing this, the movie "Date Night" is on the tv in the background and appears to be a very accurate comedic interpretation of how this breakdown in communication can happen as honest and open lines of expression become blurred in the daily grind of life.

I'm learning a lot in this season of our marriage.  One of the most important realizations I've had is how I could have been doing a much better job of listening to my wife for our first 8 years of marriage.  I so badly wanted her to be impressed with me and maintain a desire to stay with me that I would do everything possible to provide for her needs as I perceived them, without ever really listening to what she perceived her needs to be.  Now that I'm doing a better job of truly listening to her, I'm realizing that my job as a husband is actually a lot easier than I always made it.  Rather than throwing out lots of unfocused efforts in an attempt to cover all bases, through listening I can be much more strategic in the ways in which I show her my love by focusing on the areas in which she feels the most value.  Why spend time and money buying her flowers when she sees much more value in me making her a nice dinner?  By listening to her, I can ensure that I am continually meeting her needs and laying the groundwork for a long and stable relationship.

Companies that spend lots of money on advertising that interrupts people's activities without ever really listening to their customer base are much like I was early on in my marriage.  It's easy for customers to feel frustrated, like they don't matter, and like they're in an unhealthy relationship with a major power imbalance when there are not clear ways in which they are being heard and responded to.  In a competetive marketplace in which there are ever-increasing ways for customers to make their voices heard, companies have an incredible opportunity to take advantage of these platforms and listen to what their target audience is saying.  The benefit to the company is that listening allows them to be more strategic in their efforts, which ultimately results in conservation of resources and higher return on investment.  An added benefit is that this model of listening and responding lays the groundwork for a long and healthy relationship, resulting in greater profit margins over the years.

We all have a message we're trying to communicate.  But we have to listen first.  Otherwise we're just spinning our wheels.

Tell Me a Story

Recently I've been working on telling the story of my company at some point during the process of demoing our product in hopes of bringing in new business.  It's a really interesting story and I'm finding that sharing it toward the beginning of my calls is making a big difference in how people feel about the whole call.  It seems to inject an element of humanity in what can otherwise tend to be a fairly robotic process.  Before, my calls seemed to have this unspoken tension that could often negatively affect the impact of how the calls would go.  We both know that I'm trying to sell you something.  You're going to do your part to convince me that you don't really need my product because youu don't want to give in too easily; you certainly don't want me to percieve that there's an opportunity to take advantage of you and sell you into something you don't really need.  And I'm just trying to break down your defenses in order to convince you that my product is the best because I just really need you to buy so I can make more money.

But what if there were a different way?  What if we could somehow inject an element of humanity into this whole process so that we both came to an understanding that you have some business needs, I have a solution that has worked for other people in your situation, we're going to talk about that solution in a very pragmatic fashion and both agree at the end of the call whether or not this is the best fit for you.  Of course you have to understand that I will always think my solution is the best because I believe in what I am selling.  Unless I don't, in which case I should get a new job anyway.

So I've been telling my company's story at the beginning of my calls.  And I feel like it's been working.

Granted, I don't have any hard data to support these assertions.  But I feel like sharing the story and the vision behind the product I'm selling has made a difference in the tone of my calls.  It feels more human, it feels much more genuine.  It seems to break down some of those initial barriers that were present in my old calls.  I firmly believe in the vision of my company, which is why I tell our story with such excitement because I find it fascinating and genuinely enjoy sharing it with others.  Of course I'm trying to sell you something but it's because I actually believe in it's ability to help you.  And I'm starting to think that's what genuinely makes a difference in the success of a message.  Is it believable?  Is it real?  Is it something of substance that I can get excited about?  If I've lost that vision in the product I'm selling, it's because I dont' believe in it anymore.  And it's time to move on.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why people often seem so averse to advertising, why I've been so bothered by it my whole life.  After all, we're all advertising something; we're all just trying to get people to listen to our stories.  I think somewhere along the line we started realizing that a lot of times the stories we were hearing weren't true.  Politicians weren't telling us the whole truth.  Pharmaceutical companies weren't telling the full story of the side effects associated with their drugs. Large corporations weren't showing the full picture of the income disparity between those who were doing the hard work and those who were living off their backs.  And the list goes on.

So we became frustrated.  And we stopped listening to the stories in the advertisements we saw all around us.  In fact, we became downright annoyed by them.

What if, as Seth Godin suggests here, we (and the businesses we utilize) gave up on advertising slogans and embraced a new kind of advertising--living out interesting, true, and genuine stories, and sharing them with those around us.  What if the slogans we proclaimed were actually born out of a true story?

We've all got interesting stories to tell, let's try just listening to each other and engaging in genuine conversation.  Let's give up on tricking people into listening what we have to say.  Instead, let's make what we have to say so damn interesting that people just can't wait to hear about it.

And let's make sure we're telling the truth.

The Problem with Religion

I’ve been working in sales for about 4 months now. While this is my first official sales job, it has come fairly easily to me and I’ve been doing alright since I started. It’s been a pretty seamless transition, I feel like the biggest part of the learning curve was just learning about the product I’m selling. But all the soft selling and social skills you need to be successful came fairly easily to me, with lots of help and guidance from my manager and others of course.

I’ve been trying to figure out why this has felt so natural to me. It’s because I’ve done this before. I’ve actually been doing it my whole life. I was taught from the time I was very young to take every opportunity possible to tell people about Jesus. Quite honestly, this sometimes meant that in some conversations I really wasn’t truly engaging with people in conversation, I was just waiting for the next opportunity to inject my sales pitch about Jesus into the conversation. I was only interested in you for the commitment to Christianity that you could give me. This was always pretty tough for me because I genuinely liked people. I wanted to just have conversations and enjoy people and recognized that in some situations Christianity might not be the best fit. But that ran counter to what I was taught. Christianity is the only solution, it’s a fit for everybody, there is no other choice. Pray this prayer or you’re going to suffer forever. The type of sale I’m doing now is a lot less stressful because there’s less at stake.

Because of this training I had, I naturally came into this job thinking that everyone would be a fit for our product. It didn’t matter who you were, or what you were selling, if you had any kind of marketing needs, our software was the answer. One of the first lessons I had to learn the hard way was that sales consists mostly of people saying no and not everyone is a fit for our product. Some people have different goals, or shifting priorities and there are other solutions out there that more closely align with their needs than what we offer. I didn’t get this at first, I couldn’t figure out why not everyone I talked to was jumping on this product and getting as excited as I was. Through conversations with my manager and others, I began to learn that a successful salesman recognizes a good fit when he sees one, is okay with moving on when there is clearly not a fit, and does not waste time trying to create something that is not there.

The problem with religion as a business (specifically Christianity as I can’t speak of other religions from experience) is that there is a lack of recognition that one solution may not be the perfect fit for all humanity. We try to make everyone fit one specific mold, our answer is the only one and you need to get on board before it’s too late. That’s just poor sales. In my current job, I’m just as concerned with getting someone to purchase as I am with the experience they have once they come on board because my reputation as a salesman is at stake. I genuinely want them to have a good experience using our product because I want them to spread the word and I want them to remain a customer for a long time. When I was selling salvation, I didn’t really think about their experience after getting on board with Christianity, my only concern was getting them to make that commitment. My experience with the church hinted to me that once you committed to Christianity, that was it. We’ve got you now because if you don’t do what we say you’ll go right back to the terrible life you had before on the path to hell.

I can’t say that I ever really had a super positive experience with the product of Christianity. I think Jesus is a great guy with a great story and we have a lot to learn from it but the product of Christianity that I used for so long was more based on fear of what would happen if I left than a genuinely positive experience with the product itself.

I wonder what would happen if religion looked a little more like business, or if we were just more honest about our motives. We’re all competing for the business of the same audience and we’re going to do everything we can to make our business the best. But at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to make a buck.

Who'd of Thunk It?

Never in a million years did I ever envision myself starting a blog such as this.  I always saw myself as this idealistic rebel who would fight corporate America and never have a job that paid any real money because that would make me a sellout.  I even sometimes had respect for people who lived outside the law and our safe organizational system, like pirates.  Well, I tried being the idealist but never realized how impossible a notion that really was.  I suppose you could say I entered a sort of forced realism.  Or maybe I just grew up.

I recently started work in sales for a fantastic company named Vocus.  I'm selling the most fascinating software that helps companies to effectively market themselves through social media, search engine rankings, online news releases, media publicity, and e-mail.  I'm talking to companies of all shapes and sizes but my favorites are the small to medium businesses who want to be successful but find themselves dominated by the budgets of corporate competitors.  Our software is cheap enough that an individual who has a great idea that could be really successful if people just knew about it can buy a subscription with us and create a buzz that will make his bigger competitors nervous.  It doesn't require an endless budget for advertisements and billboards, it's about organically connecting and building relationship with your target audience to grow your business through earned marketing.  It sometimes feels like I'm helping to restore some sort of balance and order to the world.  So maybe I'm still a bit of an idealistic rebel after all.

Interested in buying yet?

Before I started this job, I really thought social media was the devil.  Putting myself out there in such a public way did not make me feel at all safe and secure.  It downright freaked me out.  I heard on the news about how rebels in countries with oppressive regimes were using social media to organize protests and movements of resistance but I never fully understood it.  Now I'm starting to get it.

Social media gives everyone a voice.

While some countries have obviously figured out ways to control this, at least to a certain extent, anyone can participate in this level of conversation.  I don't have to have money, know the right people, or be famous to have a voice in this space.  I can be a writer if I want (though no one may ever read it, but that's beside the point).  I can comment in a very public way my opinion on a political candidates' policies or the business practices of a large corporation.  I can tell Aaron Rodgers that he's my hero and is there any chance we can get a beer together sometime when you're in town?  He may never answer, but I can still get that message to him.  It's really quite amazing if you think about it.

Social media makes us equal.

I will write more on this idea and others in the near future.  For now, welcome to a part of my world.  I have found something that I love and I'm going to write about it and many other thoughts.  Whether this ever gets attention or not is beside the point.  I just want to put my two cents into the conversation.

For now, remember that we're all marketing something.  Even rebels and pirates.